<<baseball>>

Let's see... there are so many reasons to dislike baseball. Let me count the ways:

baseball

Don't even get me started on to going to the games themselves. Inevitably some friend bails on going to a game and I am asked to go.

...but the worst part is that

10. There is no talking allowed which is not about the game. No "gee, how was your day today?" or "gosh, I heard Kate had a baby?" and usually you even get a dirty look if you deign you say "can you move, I have to pee?"
There are just so many reasons to dislike baseball, but my disdain for baseball started way before my obsessed boyfriend.

I personally hate pro-sports... that's right you heard it. I live in New England and I hate pro sports. What a waste of time for such an educated group of people. You are all buying into a scheme for the middle class to dump money into the hands of the rich, only to make them richer. You might as well go watch a game, vote for Bush, and call it a day.

What really mystifies me is the desire to buy into something bigger than one's self. (ahem - religion...?) If it was only to engender a sense of community and to root for a team which represents your part of the country that would be something. Something to love and cherish - but it is not that. What you are doing is buying into marketing. You aren't fans of Pedro or Brady, these people don't walk down your street, or live next door to you. You are fans of the jersey; these people will sell you out for a cool mill, watch and see. You are paying your earned money to buy into the marketing. Hard earned money I might add. Money earned from garbage men and teachers and such, because the wealthy people are smarter than you. Do you think the rich actually pay for their own front-row seats? Hell no. They have their companies pay for those tickets and never drop a dime on that marketing which you all love. They even write off the $5 beers. So, to sum it up, I hate the marketing which you all are dazzled by, like little brainless guppies watching a lure. I watch, saddened by your blank open mouthed stares and pathetic cheers for people you do not know. (Don't you even see the irony that you have to sit in a giant fishbowl to watch your sports?)

Which brings me to my next reason for hating Pro-Sports. You don't know these people. How many of you Americans missed your child's soccer game to watch a pro baseball, football, or hockey game? How many of you sports lovers didn't go out for a neighborhood softball league because you wanted to watch baseball or play fantasy baseball? Sad, So Sad... missing out on doing... missing out on living. You are living vicariously through someone who probably came from some other country, (not your home town which you are cheering for) someone who is not going to send their kids to college, (and develop our community) someone who will spend all their money on "bling bling" and "big Dawg" houses. I hope I am stereo-typing but I fear that I am not. These are not roll models and they do not want to be. They don't want to be your neighbor, they don't even want to know you.

Here is an example of how sick this psychosis is. I cox for a crew team on the Charles. We train and practice every day of the week and on weekends at 5am. My boyfriend knew all of the guys on the team. We went to parties with them, drank beers with them, laughed with them. We won the Head of the Conn, Head of the Fish, and the Head of the Lilies. We were favored to win the Head of the Charles, but we didn't. And when we didn't, did my boyfriend cover his mouth in anguish muttering "my god, how could this happen?" Did he double over and vomit because his girlfriend and their friends did not win something which was SO deserved, SO worked for, SO important to them? No. He was dubbed a good sport for even going to the regatta. On the flip side, I thought he was going to have to be hospitalized when the Red Sox did not beat the whomever this last fall. I actually heard him say "I don't think I can go to work tomorrow?" and "I feel nauseous." I FEEL NAUSEOUS! Are you kidding me!

Then there's the old argument that you are watching the 'best of the best'. These are the best athletes in the world. Well let me share a secret with you... they aren't all real. The girls in playboy, which most of you drool over, are fake, and so are the majority of the athletes you watch on TV. They have corrective eye surgeries to give them better than 20/20 vision. They pump their bodies full of cortisone and all sort of pain killers. It's also worthy to note the fact that sports breeds violence, which manifests itself off the field by fans dying in riots after the Super Bowl and OJ killing his wife. Which was more offensive? 40 some odd men beating the holy you-know-what out of each other or Janet Jackson's boob. When I look at your 'best of the best' I see a squadron of medically mutated goons.

That is about it. I am sure that I could go on a lot longer, but I have to get up from my computer and do something, preferably something which does not involve pretending. So please, take these words with you the next time you flip on ESPN, "Stop pretending... I could have been a ball player" because you aren't and you can't. All you have become is a guppy. You are a foolish guppy who loves what you are not, instead of cherishing what you are. Invite me to a local softball game and I will come. I will come and cheer you on, but please forget my number when it comes to pro-sports.

Written by Jacqueline Mark on Apr 01, 2004 | Profile | Print This Page | Tell a Friend