The initial components of the cheeseburgerbaconcake were purchased with all due haste. The ingredients included: ground beef chuck, bacon, cheese, baking mix and Shake 'n Bake Extra Crispy.

As the cheeseburgerbaconcake was set into motion, it immediately became apparent to our researchers that such a creation would require bacon. Hence, bacon was was placed on a grill in parallel rows, allowing for maximum pork-based surface area.

Our team considered several types of beef for the cheeseburgerbaconcake and concluded that ground chuck would provide the optimal stickiness and would smell really fucking tasty while cooking. 2 pounds of chuck were used, with approximately 1 pound going into the cake mixture.

As this creation had never before been attempted, our team was unsure of the proper method for combining the necessary ingredients. Layering was proposed but the laziness of our team trumped the decision. A mixture was started, combining 4 cups of baking mix and 1 cup of milk. Chopped bacon was liberally mixed in.

Our researchers requested that the ground beef contain maximum grease for two reasons: deliciousness and viscosity. The above picture shows the beef being liberally added to the cheeseburgerbaconcake mixture. The researchers would like to note that they considered the term "liberally added" as central to this process.

Cheese, was added, and liberally so.

Again, several options were considered for baking containers including muffin tins and bread loaves. Eventually the team decided that a round 9" baking pan would provide a shallow depth, sufficient for the mixture to cook through and potentially stave off any microbial intrusion.

An oven was pre-heated to 350 degrees (the temperature determined to be the absolute most ideal temperature in the world for cooking things) and the cheeseburgerbaconcake was inserted for 40 minutes. Our team awaited apprehensively for the results. They did not fully know if the concoction would or would not explode and so safety glasses were kept in place at all times and the halon grease fire extinguishers were kept armed and ready.

Eureka! The window of danger passed and the cheeseburgerbaconcake emerged from the oven. Our team calibrated their spectrometers and ensured that the golden crust was as scientifically pleasing as it was aesthetically pleasing. After a battery of tests were run, the cheeseburgerbaconcake was confirmed to be both safe and delicious. The researchers were not able to calculate nutritional information at the time, and don't want to.

Doctor Smith tries a slice of bliss. Several variables were analyzed and compared. It was determined that ketchup would be perfect right now.

Our researchers, emboldened by their initial success with the cheeseburgerbaconcake, decided that a more scientifically beautiful food could be created: the cheeseburgerbaconball. In this case the burger and bacon would be shaped into a sphere and held together with a small amount of batter. Cheese would not only be mixed in with the meat, but would also consist of a nucleus of Velveeta packed into the center, an homage to the mighty atom.

Our researchers assembled the layers of the cheeseburgerbaconball very carefully. Initial optimism soon gave way to the very real prospect of total structural failure. The consistency of the batter was too loose and sticky to hold the internal ingredients in any semblance of order.

Our researchers immediately resorted to emergency backup procedures. Flour was liberally applied to the batter, adding much-needed stability. A rapid rolling and smacking action applied to the balls also maintained their shape. Our researchers giggled analytically at the previous observation.

Once total cheeseburgerbaconball failure was averted, a thick and tasty exoskeleton of Shake 'n Bake Extra Crispy was added.

Although the spheroid nature of the cheeseburgerbaconball was in danger of being compromised, Doctor McCormack realized that preserving the moment for prosperity was crucial to the scientific process.

The researchers believed that a Fry-o-lator would provide maximum crispiness and would make a really cool sizzling sound. After frying, the structural rigidity of the cheeseburgerbaconball was greatly increased due to the solidity of the Shake 'n Bake Extra Crispy doing its job.

A cheeseburgerbaconball in repose.

Notice how the cheeseburgerbaconball mimics the tectonic makeup of Earth. The Shake 'n Bake Extra Crispy represents the crust, home to us all. The batter and meat mixture is similar to the mantle that makes up most of the Earth's subsurface. And finally, a core of Velveeta, molten on the outside and solid at the very center.

Other than publication in the journal Nature and a Nobel Prize, nothing makes our researchers happier than a bite of their latest concoction.

Our research team still follows lessons learned back when they were just young lab rats: always leave your laboratory the way you found it.