Supplies: Liquor or beer from home A female friend, or you must be a female A light over-garment Feminine products Some cash (nothing is free)
Step 1. Parking. If you walk or take the T, don't worry about this. But parking can be found up to 30 minutes pre-game along Beacon St. between St. Mary's and St. Paul St. If you don't want to spend the 75 cents in the meter, you can park on almost any side street in this area of Brookline for free.
	Step 2. Pre-game Drinking. Do not every go to The Cask and Flagon. If you must go to a bar, An Tua Nua at 835 Beacon St. (near St Mary's T stop) is relatively empty and PJ Kilroys is fairly cheap across the street. However for the true cheapskates, you're better off drinking beer, 40s, or cheap wine you brought from home. The best place to do this is in the alley that runs parallel to Beacon St, one block towards Boston. If you have parked in this area, this is a perfect way to drink on your walk to the game without drawing too much attention to yourself. There are ample dumpsters for bottle discards and urination.
Step 3. Food Purchase. Your best bet for cheap eats is something wrapped and portable, for instance a wrap. For our purposes we have selected Boca Grande in Coolidge Corner because their Chorizo Burrito is exceptionally well-stuffed and shockingly tasty. Others may prefer Anna's Taqueria or Burrito Max for burritos.
	Step 4. Food Concealment. Place up to three (3) burritos into a female companion's pocket book. Place a light windbreaker, poncho, or shirt on top of burritos for concealment. Pocket book must be large enough to hold these items but not excessively large (no backpacks) or else security will not admit you to Fenway.
Step 5. Stealth Device. Scatter several tampons on and about the covering garment. These will serve to deflect attention from the actual contents of the pocket book.
	Step 6. Entry. Enter Fenway Park through the outdoor concourse turnstiles on Yawkey Way as they are the most crowded. Be absolutely sure to pick a turnstile with a male security worker checking bags. If they are older, they are even more likely to freak out upon seeing a young woman's tampons. You will gain entry very quickly.
Step 7. Beer. Unbeknownst to pretty much everyone: within the Yawkey Way concourse is a bar called Who's On First? where drafts can be had for $4, you won't wait in long lines, and they occasionally hold easy contests for free things like tickets and foam fingers.
Other bangs for you buck to be had here include the ability to drink hard liquor, lack of a two drink maximum, no cover, and the fact that you can come down here in the middle of a game when it's completely empty and knock back drinks like a champ.
	Step 8. Smoking. This gets harder and harder every year, but you can still smoke at Fenway. If you're in the grandstand (anywhere from the Monster to about 1st base) you can duck out to the concourse in seconds for a smoke and to buy imported beers. The imports cost silly amounts of money so this article won't deal with them. However this article has been known to spend the $6.75 for a Harpoon IPA in a fit of desperation for a good beer.
	If you want to keep in the theme of "cheap" and are willing to blur the line between "cheap" and "ghetto," bleacher and right-field grandstand folks can semi-legally smoke underneath and behind Section 43 by the picnic tables. You might get busted, but probably not. You also can smoke in the bathroom stalls if you're truly drunk and feeling confident (synonymous). This last tactic is best reserved for FleetCenter games. And hell, nothing is cheap there.